The Toe Poke Daily is here every day to bring you all the weirdest stories, quirkiest viral content and top trolling that the internet has to offer, all in one place.
With just 10 minutes played, Rooney picked the ball up deep inside his own half, looked up, spotted Orlando goalkeeper Brian Rowe had temporarily vacated his goal and proceeded to thump a monstrous shot in from where he stood.
You've got to give it to Rooney, the guy certainly knows how to score a bona fide banger, even at the ripe old age of 33.
Real Madrid 'bring the noise' with new away kit
After shocking precisely nobody by opting for a primarily white home kit for next season, Real Madrid have now unveiled the away strip that will be worn alongside it.
The Spanish giants have revealed a dark blue, black and gold shirt will be worn on their travels in 2019-20.
The shirt also features a "soundwave" graphic across the chest which apparently symbolises the "noise generated by the fans in the historic season in which Real Madrid conquered La Decima."
Maybe this will start a new trend in new kits, with fans moved to ask every summer: "Never mind how it looks... How does it sound?"
The curious case of Sarri and Koulibaly
Bear with us here, you'll be glad you did. Maurizio Sarri is back in Italian football with Juventus and it would appear, after a somewhat rocky season with Chelsea, he's starting to open up again.
Indeed, this week we've been given a glimpse into the private ways of a man who seemed reluctant to share much during his brief tenure at Stamford Bridge.
Back at home and settled in San Benedetto del Tronto, Sarri revealed to local newspaper La Nuovo Riviera the full extent of his infamous smoking habit.
"[I smoke] 60 a day -- it's a bit too many. I don't feel the need to smoke during matches -- I feel the necessity more than anything after," the Juve coach said.
We have also been offered a glimpse into Sarri's managerial psyche by Kalidou Koulibaly, who played under the chain-smoking coach for three years at the Stadio San Paolo.
Regaled in a piece for The Players' Tribune, the tale centres around the birth of Koulibaly's first son in 2016.
It begins with Koulibaly receiving the call that his wife is going into labour and the player asking his manager (Sarri) for permission to leave training early to be with her and, eventually, his first-born child.
"Sarri looks at me and says, "No, no, no. I need you tonight, Kouli. I really need you. You can't go," the Senegalese centre-back wrote.
"I say, "This is the birth of my son, Mister. You can do whatever you want to me. Fine me, suspend me, I don't care. I am going.'
"Sarri looks so stressed, and he is smoking his cigarette. Smoking, smoking, thinking ... then finally he says, 'Okay, you can go to the clinic. But you have to be back for the match tonight. I need you, Kouli!'"
Thankfully, Koulibaly makes it to the clinic in time to see his new son, Seni, being born into the world at 1:30pm, which he fondly remembers as "the happiest day of his life" and makes it back to the stadium in time for the game.
Koulibaly says he's ready to play, and Sarri comes into the dressing room and puts up the team sheet, but his number isn't on it..
He says to Sarri: "Mister! Are you kidding me?"
He said, "What? It is my choice."
I said, "Mister! My son! My wife! I left them! You said you needed me!"
He said, "Yes, we need you on the bench."
Koulibaly stressed he doesn't view the actions of Sarri in a negative light, but we have to wonder if player and coach are ever in the same club again how the Senegalese might react if the fickle Italian ever tells him he "needs" him again.
Rio Ferdinand's fiancee can't escape him on hen party
With a wedding on the cards, Rio Ferdinand's fiancee Kate Wright flew out with a group of her closest friends to Mykonos to celebrate her hen party in style.
Before flying out to the Greek island, "Mrs Ferdy-To-Be" posed for an ensemble photo with guests at the airport while perched atop a rather fetching custom suitcase bearing her future husband's grinning face.
View this post on Instagram
Me & the girls ready for my hen🥂👰🏼💍 #MrsFerdytobe ... we decided to have a social media detox to actually enjoy ourselves rather than be on our phones checking Instagram 24/7.... be prepared for a LOT of piks 🙊🙊 thank you @itluggage for our cases 🖤 ✈️ #ferdinandputaringonherhand #gifted
According to the Daily Mirror, Wright put a social media ban on the holiday while the party was in progress but she certainly made up for it after the blackout was lifted.
Indeed, we were treated to the truly harrowing sight of 16 expressionless, chanting Rio Ferdinands marching at us from out of the darkness.
Now there's an experience we're keen to never repeat.
If you're wondering what Ferdinand himself was doing in the meantime, he was out in Vietnam where he met up with an old work colleague.