The AFL draft is the full stop of the AFL's 'offseason of hope' as untried youngsters are selected with the possibility of becoming the league's next big thing.
But as well as being a deliverer of great hope and expectation, the draft also delivers more clichés than you can shake a stick at (irony fully intended), thanks to recruiters, officials, commentators, analysts and the draftees themselves.
So while you sit back and enjoy this year's draft -- held at Melbourne's Marvel Stadium on November 27 (first round) and 28 (second round onwards) -- we've whipped up a helpful draft cliché drinking game* to help you through the event.
The rules are simple: every time you hear a phrase mentioned below, take an accompanying number of sips of your favourite beverage.
*Drink responsibly, of course.
Drink once for:
• "I can't believe he slipped through to our pick." This is possibly the most common cliché you'll hear through the draft. Every club wants to talk up its draft haul, and the easiest way to do so is to make it appear you just scooped up the bargain of the century. It's possible that every club will make this statement in some form during the event.
• "Best available." This is also frequently uttered by commentators and officials before, during and after the draft. It's kind of obvious that all clubs will want to secure the best player they can at each pick, but it's still a statement made with maddening regularity.
• "Plays like Superstar X." Comparing draft prospects to current AFL stars is an easy game to play. Which is why it happens to nearly every single draftee.
• "Enormous upside." Considering almost all draftees are untried at AFL level, you'd hope there's a fair bit of upside in every selection ... yet still, this term will be repeated ad nauseum.
Drink twice for:
• "Impeccable character." This is a term you'll hear less frequently than the above clichés, but it's still one that will pop up when discussing the personal attributes of certain draftees. Closely linked to some clubs' 'no d--khead policies'.
• "Round 1-ready." Here's a go-to term for the more physically developed prospects. Of course, it's easy to speculate about Round 1 selection when there's still almost four months to go until the start of the 2020 season.
• "Closeknit family." Apparently a strong family connection is a good thing. Who'd have thunk it?
• "Needs a few summers in the gym." See Morton, Cale.
Drink thrice for:
• "Club X or Y 'won' the draft." Everyone knows it's impossible to judge the real winners and losers of a draft until several years down the track, but that doesn't mean you won't hear this mentioned by fans and media outlets before any of the draftees have stepped onto an AFL field.
• "The Club X or Y fan base will be up and about." New players = excitement, especially when it's sold to fans at every opportunity.
• "I've always dreamed of wearing these colours." You might even hear this from a player being drafted to the Suns.
Finish your drink:
• "I'm actually surprised Player X got picked." This is the unicorn of the draft - someone in the industry defying the selling of hope to query a particular draftee's football bonafides. This happens so rarely that it justifies taking a full swig of your drink if it does pop up. If you do hear this, keep a long-term eye on the person who was brave enough to say it - there's every chance they're relieved of their duties for next year's draft. Note - if you hear this twice, you're clearly drunk ... it's time for bed.