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          'Never discuss cheese with rats or talk bread with birds'

          Tino Best celebrates one of his three wickets Getty Images
          • Alex Bowden
          Jan 30, 2014, 06:13 PM

          This week's Twitter round-up mostly centres on getting up early. You may think that cricketers do this because they're productive, successful, driven people. In reality, it's usually just that they've forgotten to change their alarm clock or something.

          The dish

          If you eat meat, it's important to remember that animals don't come in delicious head-free form.

          The early morning fitness regime

          Two key points here: One, "contemplating" isn't the same as "doing". Two, "still in bed" isn't the same as "up early".

          Here's how you get up early.

          The joke

          An astronaut. Might not work in your accent.

          The practical joke

          It's our annual clown festival here in Lahore. Everyone is dressed as a clown and only people dressed as clowns will be allowed to enter. Pack accordingly.

          The film review

          Life with Kemar Roach

          Brace yourself for some serious ups and downs. It is ALL GO in the world of Kemar Roach

          Relentless excitement. His liberal use of capital letters and exclamation marks is entirely justified. He doesn't say how early his run was, though. Bet it wasn't 4.15am early.

          The wild side
          Saqlain Mushtaq's living it large as well.

          Rock and roll.

          What's your philosophy?
          Three pieces of advice this week

          Three catchy, memorable pieces of advice, each of which would make any sane person groan.

          Jet-lag Watch
          Somewhere in the world, there is always a cricketer complaining about jet-lag.

          It's hard to know what to do when this happens.

          You could lie there thinking about going for a run. Or why not get in one of your five a day?